He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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