I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
