3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
