All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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