When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
