This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
The dick lei will go down in squad history
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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