It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
