Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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