its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
