who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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