Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
