Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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