I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
