PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
home. puking in laundry basket.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
