it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
