I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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