we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Randomize
