Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
