The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
