i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
