why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
