Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
