happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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