Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
