i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
