she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
