So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
