Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
