I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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