He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
