he wants to bone in the snuggie
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
