the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
