Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
