Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
