After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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