meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
