you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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