Don't you send me to vm
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
