But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
