I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
