he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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