what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
