He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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