Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
