we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
