yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
