cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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