Your face is a jimmy john
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
