I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
