An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
