dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Randomize
