I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
