but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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