If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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