Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
